........................ mira burt-wintonick

FRIDAY
A Magritte painting was hysterical on our kitchen floor.
We bought three pumpkins and didn’t carve 1.
The soundtrack was scottish bagpipes resonating through a stunned and unsure crowd in a smokey bar.
Two girls danced, but not for long.
And the walk home seemed longer than before.

SATURDAY
Cum inside, they said, the party is just getting started.
Hoeing down to Duelin’ Banjos
And going home at 1:30 because the 5-0 put the kybosh on University students with blacked out teeth and bare feet drinking whiskey and waking up the neighbours.
Santa’s kind, plastic face will never be the same.

SUNDAY
We didn’t buy any candy for the neighbourhood children.
And Mira still doesn’t want to carve the stupid pumpkin.
Hocus Pocus was already rented and I’m feeling sad.

My cat Joaquim is really sick, in an icky kind of way.

He opens the door when you are trying to pee, he jerks off with his paw and tries to make you watch, he sits on your face with stinky breath and usually tries to nibble your boob when he’s sitting on your lap.

I’m not even kidding. It’s so gross.

Due to a recent string of events involving Tuvinian Throat-singers, a documentary called Nanook Revisited, and somewhat extreme procrastination, I ended up in the library this afternoon, waiting to borrow a laptop as the computer lab is closed on Tuesdays, obviously.

After waiting in line for about fifteen minutes, I was given my laptop. However, there was a catch! It had limited battery power. So after half of my two hour laptop session I had to go back to get a new battery, at which point I was given attitude by the clerk who asked me “Just how long have you had this out, anyway?” So I had to explain my situation in order to receive my new battery. I then returned to typing.

At the end of my two hours with LaptopV-21, I was not finished writing my paper yet, so I walked back to the desk to sign it out again. There was no one waiting in line for a laptop. So I asked if I could sign mine out again. The clerk said,

“Uuuuh hold on I just have to check… Yeah, no, you can’t renew that laptop because we don’t have one here. So one of two things can happen, you can wait in line until someone brings back another laptop, then you can renew yours, or you can wait in line until someone comes to check out a laptop, then you have to give yours to them.”

I looked around… I’m pretty sure I heard crickets. So I said,

“That’s fine. While I wait, can I just use this laptop to keep typing my paper?”

And he said,

“No… I don’t think that’s possible.”

Then we stood there staring at eachother in silence for about ten minutes. Finally someone brought back another computer. Then the clerk says to me,

“Okay… so are you waiting for a laptop?”

thanks to allie’s new internet boyfriend for this link.

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crack the code and you win a prize.

allie is in her mid 20s and her father buys an apartment building so that she can be responsible and finally move out of the house.

mira is one of many sanctioning bodies of snowmobile racing.

say what?

Sexiest.
Revolutionary.
Ever.

Oh yeah, and the film’s good, too.

If you’re a girl, and you want to be kind of funny in a time of great hardship, or at least mild annoyance, you should tell your friends that the great hardship/mild annoyance is breaking your balls. For example:

You say: “Man, these new shoes are breaking my balls.”
You mean: “My sneakers are giving me blisters.”

This term also works when talking about people like that dude in class that is always asking so many questions or your friend who just doesn’t get it sometimes.

When boys say that stuff is breaking their balls it’s gross, and they like sports too much. When girls say it, it’s a little bit shocking at first, and therein lies the humour.